He got under my skin. Crawling like a spider or a cockroach. It feels satisfying and uncomfortable at the same time. I don't know which feeling to choose. Neither is okay. I am afraid of feeling too much. Too much feelings is never okay, they fuck you up. It was a mistake right from the start and I was aware of that then and I am even more aware of it now, but I can't make my heart to feel less as it wants. You can't fight your own heart. I convinced myself I'm not capable of feeling, that I'm numb and nothing can make me sensitive or break me. I even convinced myself that I'm not capable of falling in love again. It worked for the last year. A lot of people tried to get under my skin and failed, but he managed. I was sure it's safe to hook up with him because I can't get attached to anyone. But I assessed myself and started to trust him. I have as much feelings as a normal human being does. I just hid them well and it was only a matter of time untill I meet someone who would know how to wake them up. And he did.
Fuck you,, you made me feel again, I was perfectly fine feeling numb and care about nothing. You made me care about you. You made me care about things that didn't matter to me before. I was invulnerable. Indestructible. You made me weak. Maybe others still can't hurt me that easily, but you can and that's what I'm scared of the most. Because I care about you and you broke my shield and now have a power to break me. I guess I have to trust you now. I feel alive, I feel loveable, I am happy. You make me feel okay, you make my world okay. I'm starting to accept myself because you showed me how. I'm naked around you, you already know too much, I trust you too much. It all ends here, those feelings don't last and I'm scared of them ending. It will hurt and I'll be numb again. You will break me or I'll break you and it doesn't matter because it will hurt both ways. 
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